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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25895983">A Tongue Like A Nightmare That Cut Like A Blade</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/jzerone/pseuds/jzerone'>jzerone</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>a handful of moments i wished i could change [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stray Kids (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Friendship, Gen, No Fluff, Platonic Relationships, Sad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:42:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,823</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25895983</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/jzerone/pseuds/jzerone</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Why did you leave me like that?"</p><p>"Because I felt like there were a lot of people wanting to be there for you. And I felt like I was blocking their way, so I chose to leave."</p><p>This is a story of two boys who stood right on the fine line that separated the outcasts and the stars in the school's social system. Jisung makes it to the top, for the price of losing Felix in the process, just to realize in the end that he never really had a place up there.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Han Jisung | Han &amp; Everyone, Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin, Lee Felix (Stray Kids)/Everyone</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>a handful of moments i wished i could change [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1776073</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. one</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>
  <strong>hello! i'm back with part 2 of this series. phew, it took me a while to get the courage to post this bc i was afraid of the quality of my writing but !! i always wanted this story to make it into the series. i'm sorry for the lack of tags !! i will be adding necessary ones as the story progresses.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>  <strong>also, this story takes place in an alternate universe as the first story in this series so you might notice some similarities or events that happened, etc. but there isn't much! so you aren't required to read the first one.</strong></p><p>  <strong>again, this story is written under the influence of old high school letters (this story focuses more on those letters if you may.) it <em>may</em> be less sad than the first one but who knows? anyway, enjoy!</strong></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was a fine line between being on top of the chain and being in the lower tier in the school system, the tier nobody really paid attention to. There was also a fine line between who ran in the same circle of friends and who didn't. And standing right on top of those fine lines were two best friends named Han Jisung and Lee Felix. Both standing between the spotlight and the darkness. Both strong with their words but vulnerable to the ones of others. Both standing on a bridge that took them either to a place where no one cared about what they said, and a place where everything they said made an impact.</p><p>Han Jisung wasn't new to that bridge they stood on. In fact, he had been standing on it for years. To say he didn't want to fully cross the bridge would be a lie. Jisung liked the attention. He liked being recognized for the talents and the witty remarks he had right up his sleeve. He was constantly talked about in school, how his mom was a shareholder in a big company, how his older brother was a cool band member and had all the boys and girls swooning over him every time he passed them by in the hallway. But that was the attention Jisung wasn't looking for. He didn't want to be known as <em>that rich kid</em>, or the little brother of Younghyun. Jisung wanted people to know him for what he does. Jisung liked writing songs, a pastime activity he enjoyed the most. But it wasn't something he would fully disclose to everyone around him. It wasn't common for someone with a business-centred family to like music more. That had already happened to Younghyun. And Jisung was afraid he wouldn't prove himself as well as Younghyun had. Because Younghyun was great at what he did. Jisung was only taught. And most of all, Jisung wasn't good at it.</p><p>That all changed when a short, freckled boy named Lee Felix moved next door in their last year of middle school, catching everyone's attention with his western habits and Australian accent. Felix was shy, he didn't talk to anyone unless they did it first. Felix liked sitting alone, playing on whatever gaming console his parents had bought for him. His life was simple. But to say his life in Australia was good would be another lie. There, he was bullied for being Asian, he was bullied for being shorter than most kids in his class. Felix’s opinion didn’t matter where he came from. He was just another Asian immigrant, another person to cast at the very bottom of the food chain.</p><p>It wasn’t like that at all in Korea. He and Jisung first met in class. Mr. Seo had asked Jisung to lend Felix his Science notes because he came in three days after school had started. “Here,” Jisung said, smiling awkwardly. “My handwriting really sucks, so if you don’t understand anything, feel free to tell me, I guess.”</p><p>Felix had nodded lightly, not quite understanding Jisung because of his lack in the Korean language. “Do you perhaps… speak English?” Jisung had smiled, and nodded. “A bit,” he said in English. He had learned the language when his parents sent him to Malaysia to study. “But not good at it.”</p><p>A bit was enough for Felix, because if there was anyone he’d wanted to befriend in this new school, he wanted it to be Jisung. </p><p>And it was as if Jisung and Felix were meant to grow up together. Jisung being older than Felix by a day, Jisung being ever so slightly taller than Felix, Felix being able to understand Jisung's weird jokes. Felix being the only person Jisung could trust when it came to all his ambitions and goals in life.</p><p>They were twelve when they started sharing a single notebook to fill their thoughts in. Every week, they switched, each taking the notebook home to either write about their class or rant about anything that had to do with school. The journal had been Jisung's idea since he noticed that, besides playing video games, Felix had a talent for writing and dancing. And although Jisung wasn't very familiar with dancing, he still wanted his best friend to express himself more, to be comfortable. They had spent nights together sometimes, talking about which classmate was more likely to do this or that, or which teacher was a Slytherin and which was a Hufflepuff.</p><p>Jisung and Felix were inseparable. Jisung continued teaching Felix Korean until he could hold long, proper conversations with teachers, seeing the freckled boy smile after passing exams and getting complimented for his improvement. Felix had shared his insecurities when it came to talking to people, he shared his Korean name, Yongbok, which he hated with a passion Jisung didn't know about, but Jisung had always reassured him that at least here, at least with him, Felix had Jisung to count on when things went bad.</p><p>Felix and Jisung had done a variety of activities together—baking in Felix's mom's kitchen, setting the sprinklers twice, swinging next to each other in the playground where Jisung had once noticed a boy getting shoved by another who was called a pretty boy. But Jisung had thought <em>That didn't sound like an insult. In fact, it was true. That boy was really handsome.</em> But he wouldn't really understand, so he ignored that incident that day in the playground. Despite all the fun things he and Felix did, his most favorite activity with the latter was walking aimlessly beside each other after school, talking about all sorts of things.</p><p>Felix never talked unless someone else did it first. But with Jisung, Felix had felt free and comfortable to just talk without having to filter his words. And Jisung knew that. That was why it was his favorite activity. He liked when Felix shared parts of himself. Jisung felt trusted. It had become a routine for them, to walk around town with no destination in mind, just talking. It didn't matter if they ended up buying something from the convenience store or walking past their neighborhood, not going in their houses just yet because they wanted to spend time with each other as if tomorrow wasn't going to come.</p><p>Jisung had grown fond of Felix. He loved Felix like a twin brother, a nickname their classmates had given them because of their birthdates.</p><p>But then again, the fine line started separating the two friends even more when high school had started, none of them even realizing it… or maybe one of them did but didn't bother to acknowledge it, didn't bother to realize that he was slowly using his best friend to stay on top of the chain alongside all the others.</p><p> </p><p>Jisung was an amazing songwriter, taught by his own brother. Younghyun had also taught Jisung how to sing, and how to rap. And it wasn't long until Jisung figured that he liked rapping more, so he stopped singing. He started writing in a journal of his own—lyrics he could think of in the middle of class or during their free period. This enabled Jisung to be invited to gigs by his other rich friends, friends of his that weren't of Felix's. Friends that stood way past the fine line, friends that no doubt belonged at the top of the chain.</p><p>Felix remained quiet, silently flipping through pages of a book he was reading at the moment, not speaking unless he was spoken too first, like before. He had started reading books ever since finishing the first notebook he had shared with Jisung. Felix had fallen in love even more with writing. He was smart, holding a high rank in the school's academic board. He was right next to Kim Seungmin, another smart boy in class who barely said anything.</p><p>As Jisung continued to slip higher above the fine line, Felix was still stuck in the middle. He didn't really mind where he stood. He just wanted to get by and survive school all while Jisung tried his best to stay on top of the fragile pedestal he had earned for himself because of his rapping and song writing skills.</p><p>They were fifteen when Felix wasn't sure if Jisung noticed the drift, wasn't sure if Jisung knew something had changed. Jisung had stopped writing in the second journal they had started in sophomore year, Jisung had stopped wanting to walk around the town after school because he <em>had stuff to do</em>, Jisung had stopped teaching him Korean because he was good enough at it. Felix's thoughts were answered one day by the bike rack in front of the school. He had wanted to invite Jisung for dinner at his house when Hwang Hyunjin, one of the many friends Jisung had which Felix didn't, came up to them with a bright smile. Hyunjin was handsome, tall, funny, and had an aura that drew you in. Maybe that was why people liked him. Maybe that was why <em>Jisung</em> started liking him.</p><p>"Hey, Jisung," Hyunjin said, one of the straps of his backpack slung over his shoulder. "There's a small gathering at Lee Minho's tonight. Wanna come?"</p><p>Jisung had tensed that moment. Despite the familiarity of Hwang Hyunjin, he still felt as if it wasn't real, that Hyunjin had accepted him into his group of friends, that they accepted him as part of that tier in the school system that no one could touch. But still, Jisung had kept his cool, smiling back at Hyunjin. "Sure," then he added, "Can I bring Felix?"</p><p>The sound of his own name made Felix stop from playing with his bike lock as he waited for Jisung and Hyunjin to finish talking. "What?" Felix asked.</p><p>Jisung turned to him, and nodded. "Yeah, you should come," Hyunjin said, attention now at the freckled boy. "You'd enjoy it there. There's music and people."</p><p>Felix had smiled awkwardly because, music, he can take, but people? That was a no no. But since Jisung had wanted him to come, he agreed.</p><p>The answer to Felix's question was that Jisung hadn't noticed the drift, and that maybe a drift never even happened.</p><p>But that answer was wrong, and Felix should have known. After all, he knew how important correct answers were.</p><p> </p><p>Jisung had a love-hate thing for parties and gatherings. The energy and hype excited him, but it also made him nervous at the same time. That was why he had invited Felix. Because with Felix, Jisung felt safe. And even though Felix hated parties, he allowed himself to come because he was with Jisung.</p><p>What Felix didn't know was that Jisung would be leaving him in one corner of the unfamiliar house he was in the moment they arrived. He sat on the couch, next to a familiar boy. Felix knew his name was Chan. Another boy who stood right at the top of the chain, but for good reasons. Christopher Bang was from Australia, too. But he was more Korean than he was Australian, having moved there when he was little. But that was still one of the things that was interesting about Chan. Another was the fact that he was already earning money from being a local musician at their place. And Felix knew all this because he had heard Chan's songs on the radio and on other music platforms.</p><p>"Quite a party, huh," Chan said but in English. Felix was taken aback. No one had spoken to him in English for a long time, not even Jisung.</p><p>"Oh," Felix smiled. "Yeah, I came here with Jisung."</p><p>Chan stretched and placed his arm on the couch behind Felix. "Ah, Han Jisung. He's a pretty interesting guy."</p><p>Felix nodded. "He's pretty good at what he does, too." It felt weird speaking in straight English to someone who wasn't family, but Felix felt comfortable, almost as if Chan <em>was</em> family. <em>Or maybe,</em> he thought, <em>it's only because we came from the same place.</em></p><p>"Really? What does he do?" Chan asked, tilting his head. It gave Felix the impression that Chan wanted to know something no one else did, but maybe it was because Chan was intimidating. Felix had smiled. "He writes songs, he sings and he raps well…" Felix didn't know why he trailed off as he spoke. But maybe it was because he was speaking to Chan, Bang Chan who did all those three as well, and was a recording artist already at his young age.</p><p>But Chan smiled and nodded, pulling away his arm and leaning his elbows on his knees. "Where is he now?"</p><p>"Oh he's with Hyunjin and Minho," Felix said. "I'm not really close with any of them so I told him I'll be waiting here." Half of that was a lie, but it didn't matter. Because one, Chan didn't know him and what he really felt, and two, Chan's next action proved it didn't. The latter stood up and shook his shirt, in an attempt to fix it. "Well, I'll go look for them. After all, Minho's the host of this party. I have to at least let him know I was here."</p><p>"Hey, Chan?" Felix said. "Thank you."</p><p>Chan smirked. "Why?" he asked but in Korean, this time. Felix let out the slightest shrug, and replied in Korean as well, saying "It just felt nice speaking in English to someone not from home."</p><p>"It's okay, Lee," Chan said, patting the younger boy's head. "You'll get used to it."</p><p>And like any other person who belonged on top of the chain, Chan walked away, leaving Felix alone with other strangers in the living room, and leaving Felix with the feeling that no matter how <em>homey</em> someone felt, no matter how nice someone seemed, the fine line was there to remind him that they were people he wasn't meant to be friends with.</p><p>Meanwhile, in one of the rooms in the two-story house, Hyunjin paced the room on his phone as Jisung and Minho sat on the floor, next to each other, looking at him, raw and vulnerable, beyond the golden boy he was at school. </p><p>"Where <em>are</em> you," Hyunjin said, running a hand through his hair. "Seungmin, you weren't answering my calls <em>or</em> my texts and you have the audacity to tell me I <em>don't</em> care?"</p><p>Jisung noticed the worry that was evident in Hyunjin's eyes. He knew who Seungmin was, but it was the first time he found out that Hyunjin and Seungmin had something going on. Apparently, Minho had explained, Hyunjin didn't want people to know about them. The reason, Jisung didn't quite catch. But Minho never repeated himself so he didn't bother to ask.</p><p>"God <em>please</em>, Seungmin," Hyunjin yelled, making Jisung flinch. "Just tell me where you are and what you're doing."</p><p>Minho had tapped Jisung's shoulder and tilted his head towards the door, motioning for him to follow. Hyunjin then waved them off, telling them to go for a while.</p><p>"Pretty weird, huh," Minho said as Jisung stepped out of the room. Jisung was dizzy now from the several cups of booze they've had. He looked Minho in the eye, and for a split second, Jisung thought he saw something else. It was a look he may be familiar with, a look he had seen a lot in the mirror. But Jisung didn't trust any of his senses that night, not after the buzz from all the alcohol. "What is?" he asked.</p><p>"How Hyunjin and Seungmin are together but when at school, it's like they don't even know each other," Minho finally said. "But you already know that. It's just.. Hyunjin's weird."</p><p>"But he has his reasons, like you do, right?" Jisung said, leaning his back on the wall.</p><p>Minho had rolled his eyes. "I heard you brought someone with you," he said, ignoring Jisung's intruding question. And then it hit Jisung. He had left Felix at the living room the moment they arrived, but only because Minho and Hyunjin had dragged him away when they saw him. "I'll be back," Jisung had told Felix.</p><p>But it had been two hours now. Minho placed an arm around Jisung's shoulders. "Wanna check on him?"</p><p>"Lee Minho, you little shit!" A voice called over at the other end of the hallway. The two boys then turned around, to be greeted by Christopher Bang.</p><p>Minho's arms immediately left Jisung's shoulders as he walked back towards Chan, leaving Jisung at the edge of the stairs. Jisung looked back and saw as the two friends greeted each other with a hug that seemed practiced over and over, and he couldn't help but feel suddenly left out. </p><p>"This is Jisung by the way," Minho said, bringing Chan over to where he stood. "He's the guy I was telling you about. That guy at Haven?"</p><p>"Ah!" Chan exclaimed. "Yeah, I was supposed to go there that night but something came up. Nice to meet you, Jisung."</p><p>Jisung shook Chan's hand. "My brother knows you," he said. "He said he's pretty close to you."</p><p>Chan nodded. "Yeah, Younghyun's a great guy. I'm glad you're pursuing music like him. I'm sure you're great at it too."</p><p>There it was again, the comment that involved Jisung and his own brother. He had thought people forgot about it, or maybe even decided to stop making comments about it. But he found out that night that he couldn't escape being Younghyun's brother as long as he lived.</p><p> </p><p>It was almost one in the morning when Jisung and Felix were walking home together from the party. Jisung was far from being sober, while Felix half-carried him. "Some of your friends are pretty cool," Felix had said.</p><p>"They're alright," Jisung said. "I'm only really friends with Minho and Hyunjin."</p><p>They were in Felix's room when he decided to ask Jisung a question he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer to, because if the answer was yes, then the drift was real. The drift was happening and he might not be able to pull Jisung back.</p><p>"Sungie," he said as Jisung curled into a ball on one side of Felix's bed. Jisung was more sleepy than dizzy now, but Felix's deep voice seemed to wake him up a little more. "Mm," he hummed. Felix took it as a sign to go on so he said, "Do you like Hyunjin?"</p><p>There was a stifled laugh from Jisung's mouth. "Ah Hyunjin," he mumbled. "No… I don't know. You think I'd like someone way out of my league?"</p><p>"You know, he's human like you are," Felix said. "And out of your league? I think you're just as amazing as he is. It's just… he uses it more than you do, I guess."</p><p>Jisung smiled at Felix's comment though he didn't understand half of what the younger boy had even said. "Thanks Yongbok. How about you? Do you like anyone?"</p><p>But Felix had decided it was enough for tonight. He had obtained his answer. If Jisung was starting to like a popular boy all while balancing on his pedestal, it would be hard to pull him back. And it didn't matter whether or not he despised Jisung for liking someone out of their league. Because Felix had felt the same. That night, as hard it was to admit, he realized he liked Seo Changbin, the son of the owner of the infamous <em>Haven</em> Jisung had once performed at. And that fact alone made it clear that he and Jisung were the same.</p><p>But the difference was that Jisung was the only one making it past the fine line and up the chain.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <strong>I.</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>Felix rode his bike alone on his way to school, a routine he had gotten used to ever since Jisung stopped riding his bike. Ever since Jisung had started riding Minho's car with Hyunjin after the party that had taken place almost two months had passed. Of course, Jisung had asked if Felix was okay with it, the latter not being able to form any other answer but yes. It was bound to happen anyway.</p>
<p>But Felix didn't really mind since he liked the morning breeze and the dew on the grass in the lawns of the houses in his neighborhood. It gave a refreshing feeling, something he hadn't been feeling in a while.</p>
<p>At the same bike rack where Hyunjin had invited Jisung to the party two months ago, Felix bumped into Kim Seungmin, the smart and quiet boy he shared multiple classes with. He wore a gray hoodie over his shirt and a pair of black Converse, both laces in two different colors. "Hey," Felix called, noticing that the zipper of Seungmin's bag was wide open as he walked away from his bike.</p>
<p>The latter flinched before turning around, eyebrows lifted and eyes wide as if he wasn't expecting anyone to talk to him that early in the morning. "Yes?" Seungmin asked.</p>
<p>"Um, your bag—zipper. It's open," Felix stuttered, unsure of the boy in front of him. Seungmin unslung one strap and pulled his bag in front, seeing the flap bent forward, exposing his books and notebooks—ones that he held on so dearly like his life depended on them. He then quietly reached for the zipper and struggled for a second before successfully pulling it closed.</p>
<p>That was when Felix had thought he saw something, something on Seungmin's face that didn't seem to look right. But Seungmin had already slung back the strap, muttering a small "thank you" before bowing and walking away from him.</p>
<p>Felix was left alone with his thoughts for a while before Seo Changbin tapped his shoulder, appearing by his side, head tilted. He had a small smirk on his face, almost as if he were amused to see Felix stuck on his tracks. "Lee Felix! What's up? You okay? You seem troubled," he said, stepping in front of him this time. Felix was about to answer when he noticed Chan and another boy waiting for Changbin a couple meters away.</p>
<p>He couldn't help but feel like he was wasting their time so he shook his head, plastering a smile on his face. "No, I was just trying to remember if we had homework due today."</p>
<p>Changbin nodded. "Don't worry about it, Lix. I'm sure one missing homework won't harm your grades," he smiled. Felix noticed how he used Lix, a nickname he only used to hear from his family. Changbin then gestured towards Chan and the other boy. "We're headed in. You wanna come with us?"</p>
<p>Felix knew Changbin only invited him out of courtesy. After all, he was Jisung's friend. But he couldn't help but say yes. He didn't know if a chance like this, where Changbin offers to walk with him into the building, would come again. He walked alongside the boy he didn't know as Chan and Changbin walked a few steps ahead, discussing something about Haven. He also noticed that everytime the other boy would accidentally step just a little bit at the same pace as Chan or Changbin, he would stop for a split second, making sure he was still behind, making sure his shoulders were behind either of the two.</p>
<p>"Hey," Felix said, deciding to break the silence and the awkwardness that seemed to take form in the small space that kept his arm from brushing against the boy's. The boy gave him a quick glance before smiling at the slightest. "Hi," he said. "Jeongin."</p>
<p>"Felix," he answered, putting out a hand for the boy to shake. "Are we in a class together?"</p>
<p>Jeongin shook his head. "I'm one year behind you."</p>
<p>Felix nodded. He did seem slightly younger to be in Changbin or Chan's year. But what he wanted to know was why he hung out with the two popular boys in school. Was <em>he</em> one of them, too? Or was Jeongin just like him, someone who only seemed to be part of a tier or someone who stood on the fine line that separated the two tiers just because he was friends with people who belonged on top. Felix knew it would be rude to ask, and he hated himself for even having that as the first thought about someone he had just met. Instead, he said, "Chan's music is cool, huh."</p>
<p>Jeongin's smile seemed to grow wider. "Yeah, I aspire to be someone as humble as him despite his achievements. Like, everyone in school knows him and high-fives him and he's just friends with everyone."</p>
<p>"He's really nice, too," Felix added. There was really nothing bad to say about Bang Chan, and Felix saw the way people high-fived him in the hallway that morning, and said hi to him when they managed to look his direction. Felix thought that if he were asked who he thought was at the very top of the chain, it would be Bang Chan.</p>
<p>"Are you close with Changbin, too?" Felix decided to ask. It was then when Jeongin's expression had changed, the smile fading ever so slightly. But he regained the smile, and Felix pretended, for Jeongin's sake, that he didn't see it waver. "Not really," was what Jeongin had said. "There's just something about him that doesn't sit right with me." He then looked at Felix. "But that's probably just me."</p>
<p>Jeongin then stopped in front of a flight of stairs, calling for Chan's attention, telling him that his class was at the second floor. Chan had nodded, making a phone with his hand, probably telling him that he'd call later. Jeongin nodded, turning to Felix. "I'll see you around," he said. Then without looking back, he bolted up the stairs.</p>
<p>Felix had looked back at Changbin, seeing the expression he had worn that day. It was as if he was caught doing something he wasn't supposed to. But Felix pushed away that thought. After all, he knew nothing about what goes down in the tier Changbin belonged to.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>II.</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The day had just ended. Jisung and Felix were talking towards the bathroom after class. He had seen Hyunjin once that whole day, and that was in the car ride to school with Minho. After, it was as if Hyunjin wasn't in school at all. It wasn't supposed to matter since Hyunjin had a lot of people who worried about him already, but Jisung couldn't help but miss him.</p>
<p>"Sungie, my mom wants you to come over tonight," Felix said as they entered the bathroom. "She said she misses having you over." It had another meaning to it, and Felix had meant it to sound that way. Whether Jisung had noticed it or not, he didn't show it.</p>
<p>Jisung nodded  "Sure. We can play video games after dinner."</p>
<p>Felix smiled at the suggestion. He knew Jisung was aware of his fondness for video games, and Jisung was always more than willing to play with him since none of Felix's sisters would. Suddenly, Felix was thirteen again, and instead of the blonde streak that sat on Jisung's head, it was the original black hair when he first met him. It felt as if the two of them were the same two kids who enjoyed each other's company.</p>
<p>But Felix knew better than to continue living in that reality in his head. The reality where he and Jisung were still inseparable, where they both continued to enjoy standing right on the fine line, where Jisung had chosen him instead of his popular friends. That reality was also shattered that day.</p>
<p>A soft whimper came from one of the stalls, making Jisung whip his head around. "Hey," he said. "Is someone there?" And then he heard it again, the faintest sniffle that seemed to echo in his ears. "Are you okay?" Jisung asked again.</p>
<p>Felix looked under the door for a second to spot a pair of black Converse, one lace pink and the other blue. It was an odd choice for a pair, but then Felix realized who was behind that door.</p>
<p>"Seungmin?" Felix said, moving closer to the door. The name had made Jisung turn his head towards him. Seungmin? As in Hyunjin's boyfriend? Was Felix close with Seungmin? Were there other things that Jisung didn't know?</p>
<p>"Seungmin, it's me, Felix," he said, putting a hand on the door. "It's okay. I'm just with Jisung. Is something wrong?"</p>
<p>A few moments had passed before the door to Seungmin's stall creaked open ever so slightly. Felix had taken this as a sign to push it open fully, revealing the very thing Felix had been afraid to see that day; revealing what he had seen on his face that same morning. It was worse now, too. His nose was bleeding, and his eye was swollen.</p>
<p>Seungmin sat on the toilet bowl, arms curled towards himself, hoodie stained with the red that was coming out of his nose. His eyes were red as well from the crying, and Jisung didn't understand what he was seeing or why he was seeing what he saw. "Seungmin," Felix said, moving closer. "Come, we'll take you to the nurse's office!"</p>
<p>"No, no," Seungmin said. "I… I was going to clean up anyway. Please pretend you didn't see this." He stood up and pushed passed the two friends. He pulled the stained hoodie over his head, putting on the counter next to the sink.</p>
<p>As Seungmin washed his face, Jisung looked at him through the mirror, eyes focused on him as if he were trying to examine Seungmin's entire being. </p>
<p>Normally, Jisung would've recognized Seungmin because he was in the upper ranks of the school's academic board, his name in the tarpaulins outside the campus every time he won a competition out of town. But that wasn't the reason why Jisung had recognized him. It was because Seungmin's photo was the background in Hyunjin's phone. It stabbed Jisung's heart a little more, seeing it that morning in the car ride. But he had played it cool, like he always did.</p>
<p>"Seungmin—"</p>
<p>"Did Hyunjin do this to you?" The name made Seungmin look at Jisung from the mirror. His eyes were wide, and Jisung knew it was wrong of him to ask that question especially with Felix standing next to him. But Jisung couldn't help it.</p>
<p>Seungmin slowly turned around, hands gripping and soaking the hoodie. "H-how… why do you know about me and Hyunjin?"</p>
<p>Felix had suddenly taken interest on the floor, knowing well that this conversation was not supposed to be happening, not in the boys' bathroom with Seungmin's hoodie stained with blood, not with Jisung and Felix present, not ever. But Felix had stood there, trying his best not to listen to the exchange of words.</p>
<p>"Because I know," Jisung answered. "I'm a friend of Hyunjin's. But I'm sorry I asked you that question. It… it was insensitive of me."</p>
<p>There was a change in Seungmin's eyes. It looked something like betrayal but with a hint of anger. Felix had stepped back, a hand on Jisung's arm. "Seungmin, you need to go to the clinic," he said. "Come on, we'll take you."</p>
<p>"No, it's okay," Seungmin said, putting on his hoodie once again. His voice was strained, almost as if he was going to burst into tears any second. But he spoke with clarity. "And to answer your question, no. He'd never do this to me. He isn't like his friends."</p>
<p>Seungmin didn't explain any further what he meant, exiting the bathroom like nothing happened. It had left Jisung and Felix dumbfounded, unsure of what to do with what they had just witnessed. </p>
<p>It was Felix who broke the silence, taking Jisung away from the trance he was momentarily stuck in. "Seungmin and Hyunjin know each other?" Felix asked.</p>
<p>"No," Jisung lied, although he was sure it wouldn't do anything now. The pain in Seungmin's eyes was evident. "I don't know. Maybe they're together, maybe <em>Hyunjin</em> likes him."</p>
<p>Felix felt the pain in Jisung's voice. He couldn't tell whether Jisung was telling the truth or not since it didn't really make sense. But he still couldn't understand how Hyunjin and Seungmin even knew each other. So he decided to ask this instead.</p>
<p>"Apparently, they do. Probably longer than I've known Hyunjin," Jisung said washing his hands. "But I don't really know the details."</p>
<p>Felix nodded, deciding it was enough unsolicited knowledge for that day. He also realized that no matter where you stood in the tier, you would always have a secret or two that no one knows about. Not until someone spills it for you.</p>
<p>"All I know is, whatever's going on between Hyunjin and Seungmin, Hyunjin doesn't want it to get out," Jisung said as they stepped out of the bathroom. "And whatever we saw on Seungmin's face today might be a sign that someone had snitched."</p>
<p>The information had saddened Felix that day, affecting his mood the rest of the night. Instead of his usual excitement whenever he got to play with Jisung, it was replaced with the lethargic controlling of his characters, the 4th place in Mario Kart instead of his usual 1st.</p>
<p>The reality in Felix's head was shattered that day, getting replaced with something else. It was the burning fact that the ones who didn't belong to the top of the chain always took the fall of the ones who belonged there.</p>
<p>And Felix was afraid that a day may come when he would take Jisung's fall if given the chance.</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <strong>ah hello again, this took me a while to write and i'm hoping it still makes sense to the story. if not, my apologies. i still hope it would leave some things for you to think about, etc. enjoy!</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>also, here's a reminder again that the characters the skz members portray here are nothing like them in real life. this is just an outlet for me to put my feelings and frustrations haha you get me</strong>
</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <em>I.</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>Haven was its usual noisy mess, a string of curses heard at each end, and a guitar matched with a singer up on the stage in front of the crowd. Tonight, it was a boy named Mark Lee. Jisung was getting used to it, the atmosphere, the feeling of being part of it all, being part of this tier that was higher than the one he usually was part of.</p>
<p>"Hey, got a set tonight?" the sweet, honey-like voice of Lee Minho radiated against Jisung's ear as he was going through the lyrics of Viva La Vida by Coldplay on his phone. He turned around, looking at Minho's pinkish cheeks. He had a couple drinks in his system, evidently, and there was something about the soft glow of the lights resting on his face that made Jisung feel something in his stomach.  "Hey," Jisung said. "Yeah, it's surprisingly coming natural to me now."</p>
<p>Minho let out a hearty laugh, putting an arm around Jisung's shoulders. "Right? You'll enjoy it here the more you come. There's so many people to meet."</p>
<p>"Where's Chan?" Jisung asked. He wanted the older boy to see this set tonight. It was the best he had prepared for. In short, he really wanted to impress Christopher Bang. He was a known artist in town, after all. And if Chan was impressed, it might mean he'll easily be accepted in the upper tier next time.</p>
<p>And if Jisung noticed the way Minho's smile wavered in the slightest way the moment he mentioned Chan's name, he didn't show it. "He'll be here in a few," Minho said, nodding almost to himself. "And Changbin?" Jisung asked as well.</p>
<p>"I'm not really sure," Minho said, retrieving his arm from around Jisung's shoulders. "But I know he'll always be here, especially during Fridays. That guy on stage right now? Mark? Yeah, he's close with him too."</p>
<p>Jisung nodded, almost immediately feeling intimidated by the boy he doesn't even know. There was an unsettling feeling in Jisung’s chest that couldn't seem to leave him alone. It was like he had to work extra hard for people to notice him only for others to beat him to it by doing the bare minimum. Was it always going to be like this for him? Why did it seem so easy for Younghyun to be accepted and loved? Was it because he came first?</p>
<p>Was Jisung always second best?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Also, if Jisung had known better, he would have chosen to stay at home that night.</p>
<p>A few minutes had passed before the manager signaled for Jisung to come to the backstage. His set was next. And as he waited for his turn, Jisung couldn't get his eyes off of his phone. Hyunjin was supposed to be here tonight, as well and he had texted him an hour before he even went to Haven. But until now, the latter still hasn't replied.</p>
<p><em>Maybe he's just running late,</em> Jisung thought. But if he were coming, he would have arrived with Minho right? Or maybe with Changbin. But even Changbin wasn’t around. Jisung finished his set that night, eyes glued to Minho who was sitting in one of the tables in the middle, smiling at him and giving him nods every now and then. It was one thing to perform in front of a crowd, and it was another to have someone there to comfort him from the unfamiliar faces that night.</p>
<p>Felix had told him he had a last minute project before volunteer work in the weekend so he couldn’t exactly come. Jisung was just glad at least one of his friends was there so he didn’t feel completely alienated.</p>
<p>“You know, you really have a great voice,” Minho told him when he got back to the same table. “I can see why people like you.”</p>
<p>“Like me?” Jisung laughed. “No one likes me. I just really enjoy what I do, and I try my best not to get comments like <em>‘you’re like your older brother’</em> and <em>‘you’re Younghyun’s brother right?’</em>. I know there’s nothing actually wrong, but I’m sick of hearing them as if I'm just my brother's clone.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think of you as any of that at all,” Minho said. “You're nothing like his clone, too. I've heard his songs and his style. I don't see why people see him in you."</p>
<p>"Guess it's solely because I'm his brother," Jisung shrugged. "I don't hate him, though. I love that guy, but we're different."</p>
<p>"I can see that," Minho said, staring at Jisung in a certain way before blinking and looking away for a second. "Well, Bang Chan just texted me before you got off the stage. I think I know why the three of them aren't here. You wanna come with?"</p>
<p>"Where are we going?" Jisung asked, following in Minho's wake as he made it out of Haven, thanking the guy at the door, giving him a high five before exiting.</p>
<p>"Changbin's house," Minho said. "Let's go."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jisung didn't expect Changbin's house to look like a mansion. Apparently, he lived in the upper subdivision in the middle of the city, the subdivision where the rains never flooded their place, where they were high up from the ground, safe from the dangers of the city folk. Jisung figured that it fit perfectly for Changbin since, even at school, he was on top as well.</p>
<p>A smile immediately erupted from Jisung's lips the moment he saw Hyunjin pacing back and forth in the front lawn. Chan and Changbin were seated at the outside table under a tree with lights hung up on it.</p>
<p>"Hey!" Chan called, spotting the two other friends. "We're sorry we couldn't come to your set tonight. It isn't a great time for us right now."</p>
<p>Jisung nodded, putting his guitar to the side. "It's okay. No big deal. What's… what happened?"</p>
<p>Changbin held his head low, one hand in a fist, resting on the table, the other through his hair. "It's that student you always asked to do your projects, isn't it?" Minho asked.</p>
<p>There was no answer from Changbin, the silence giving Minho more fuel to keep going. "Okay, I'll take that as a yes. And judging from your red and swollen fist, you beat him up again for the second time this week, didn't you?" Minho continued.</p>
<p>"For the second time?" Chan looked at Minho. This week?" He turned to Changbin.</p>
<p>"Yeah, I heard. But of course the people who told me that wouldn't say a thing, right?" Minho asked again, bending slightly down to level his face with Changbin's. "Because God knows what Seo Changbin might do if they snitched about who he was bullying in school."</p>
<p>"Minho, what the hell are you saying?" Hyunjin asked. It was the first time he had spoken ever since Minho and Jisung had arrived. "And what do you mean Changbin's bullying someone in school? He doesn't do that."</p>
<p>"Oh really, Hyunjin?" Minho turned to the younger boy, a small smile displayed on his face. "You wanna know who? Because I can tell you. Oh, what a feast it'd be if I told you right here," he turned to Changbin once again, "right now."</p>
<p>"Shut up, Minho," Changbin said, facing up this time.</p>
<p>Suddenly Jisung felt so far away from the conversation that was happening. He felt uneasiness boil inside his stomach, as if he knew something none of them did. But that wasn't true, right? Jisung knew nothing. But why was he nervous? And why was Minho acting like this so suddenly and unprovoked?</p>
<p>And then he remembered the night at the party, when he saw the familiar look in Minho's eyes. The look he had seen in the mirror before. It was the look of despise, the inner anger he had for the people who belonged to the top of the chain. But why would Minho feel that way? He perfectly belonged up there, not like Jisung who was only invited. Jisung didn't even know whether he was fully accepted there or not yet. But Minho? What was Minho hiding?</p>
<p>"Tell him Changbin," Minho said. "Let's see how brave you are to own up to what you're doing."</p>
<p>"What is wrong with you?" Changbin asked, standing up from his seat. "Who told you <em>you</em> can speak?"</p>
<p>"I'm not one of your weak little minions, Changbin," Minho said, not moving despite how close Changbin was to him now. "I sure know how to stand up for myself when people like <em>you</em> are in the picture. Tell him."</p>
<p>"Tell me what?" Hyunjin asked, slightly moving Minho so he could look at him. Minho was smirking at poor Hyunjin. His eyes were filled with confusion, and Jisung looked back at Chan who was right behind Changbin.</p>
<p>Jisung had figured out what Minho meant by <em>tell him</em>. It wasn't hard to miss with the small group they were part of. There was something Changbin had been doing to someone who was important to Hyunjin. And Jisung couldn't think of anyone else than—</p>
<p>"Do me a favor and ask Seungmin how he is right now," Minho told Hyunjin. "Didn't he tell you today that he didn't want to speak?" He laughed. "I mean, I wouldn't either if my relationship was being kept under a rock."</p>
<p>Hyunjin glared at Minho for a moment before pulling his phone out again from his pocket. In a second, he was dialing Seungmin's number. Jisung had fully figured out what <em>beat him up again for the second time this week</em> had meant.</p>
<p>Changbin was bullying Seungmin, and that Monday, when he and Felix saw him in the bathroom, it was Changbin's doing.</p>
<p><em>He isn't like his friends,</em> Seungmin had told them. Seungmin meant Changbin. Or maybe it wasn't just Changbin and Jisung hadn't figured out the other secrets yet.</p>
<p>"Hello?"</p>
<p>"Put him on speaker Hyunjin," Minho said. It almost seemed as though Hyunjin was stuck in a spell Minho casted on him, because without a question, he lowered the phone and placed Seungmin on speaker. The bright smile of Seungmin's photo on display for his friends to see.</p>
<p>"<em>Hello? Why are you calling me?</em>" </p>
<p>"I… I just wanted to know how you're doing," Hyunjin said. "I didn't get to meet you at the stop today."</p>
<p>"<em>I wasn't feeling good today</em>," Seungmin said. "<em>I texted you that before I left, remember?</em>"</p>
<p>"Seungmin how's your face?" Minho asked.</p>
<p>"Minho!" Chan scolded. "What are you doing?"</p>
<p>There was a long pause before Seungmin could answer, the silence of the line eating up Hyunjin's patience towards everything that was happening. "<em>Ah… so this is what it is</em>," Seungmin finally said. "<em>I didn't think you'd set me up like this, Jinnie. I thought… I thought you weren't like them.</em>"</p>
<p>"No, Seungmin, trust me I don't know what this is all about. I want to know what's happening and why you suddenly bail on me sometimes. <em>You're</em> the one who's hiding something from me."</p>
<p>"<em>... because I didn't want to destroy what you had with your friends, Jinnie</em>," Seungmin said. "<em>I told you your happiness comes first. But if it has to go down like this where you have all your friends listening to my sad story, then I don't think I like that.</em>"</p>
<p>"Seungmin I just want to know the truth," Hyunjin said.</p>
<p>There was a sigh at the other end of the line. "<em>Fine, I'm not one to keep secrets from you unless necessary. But there's a friend of yours whom I really don't like. He's a year higher and you're really close to him. I guess</em> Haven <em>isn't the right name for a place owned by someone whose son is an asshole. But anyway, don't see me on Monday, or anytime soon. I need a break from people like you.</em>"</p>
<p>The line was dead before Hyunjin could say anything else. But one thing was clear. Seungmin had told the truth about what Changbin had been doing to him. Although he didn't mention names, Haven was a big giveaway.</p>
<p>Jisung remembered Hyunjin punching Changbin right in the face before he could even put his phone back in his pocket. Chan had to tackle Hyunjin down, putting all his weight on the younger boy to prevent him from lunging towards Changbin. The latter did nothing as he fell to the floor, Jisung right by him as he held his hand to his mouth. Minho was by Hyunjin, glaring daggers at the young prodigy. It wasn't supposed to end like that that night.</p>
<p>It wasn't supposed to end like that ever. But Jisung realized that nothing in your head is real unless it actually happens.</p>
<p>That Monday, Minho didn't pass by Jisung's house. Nor did Hyunjin. And nor did he see Chan or Changbin at the school parking lot, the place where they all were supposed to meet.</p>
<p>Instead, he found Felix by the bike rack, locking his bike in as Jisung was about to do the same to his. Felix looked up at Jisung and smiled, making the day a lot brighter and much lighter.</p>
<p>"Hey Sungie," Felix said. "Wanna walk together to class today?"</p>
<p>Also, during lunch that Monday, as Jisung sat with Felix and a new friend named Jeongin, he found Felix staring at a far table, at the end of the room. Conveniently, it was where he and the others used to sit. Only today, the table was empty.</p>
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